Pain
by Kire-no-Koibito
Summary: Izaya has been living a lie ever since that day, his greatest wish seemed out of reach. A short Shizaya fic that I wrote out of boredom and to overcome a block. Rated T for implied sexual content.


**Pain – A Durarara! Fanfiction.**

**A/N: This is a fiction I wrote to get over my writer's block. It might not be as good as the others, but I hope you'll enjoy reading it nonetheless~**

It happened in high school. A young doctor had brought a friend of his to school to introduce him to a certain blond. Yet, it remained unknown that the raven already knew Shizuo, it remained unknown that he was watching him closely for many years now. It also remained unknown that Izaya has watched his nemesis ever since kindergarten. So, what happened upon their meeting, was quite a surprise for Shinra.

"Hey, Shizuo. I wanted to introduce a friend of mine to you. This is Izaya Orihara, he's not a bad guy...I wouldn't say he's good though..."

The informant sighed dramatically "That's so mean of you to say-"

He didn't expect the blond to say anything, so he just widened his eyes a bit as a growl escaped the man's lips "I don't like you."

Trying to hide his shock, the raven sighed again "It's a shame...I hoped we would have lots of fun together..."

That all happened while Izaya still had the ability to feel shock, feel the adrenaline during the chases, feel excitement. He still defined himself as human back then. However, it didn't change the fact that he annoyed Shizuo when given the chance. Shizuo was his favourite toy and the raven loved playing the game of tag or even hide and seek with the blond, especially since their lives were at stake. It all changed shortly before they graduated, but it remained a secret between Shinra and Izaya for a long time.

Even before the raven graduated he was involved with the yakuza and was often out on the streets until late in the night. That day was no different. Walking on the streets, the raven breathed the slightly cool air after another meeting with the mafia. He was satisfied with the payment he received and the leader of the Awakusu was satisfied with his work, so that day was a pleasant one. As he thought that, he walked towards his apartment, listening to music as he did. Probably because he did that he didn't hear a loud car horn go off and he also noticed the truck only as it already shot around the corner and hit him. After a brief moment of immense pain spreading through his body, Izaya passed out, his headphones falling off of his head, still playing the song he had listened to, Pain by Three Days Grace. The world went black for the raven for at least 10 hours and most doctors already gave up, but one of them remained faithful and patient, making a miracle happen.

"Sir, can you hear me?", the doctor asked worriedly, leaning over the pale teen who had just regained consciousness.

As his eyelids fluttered open, the informant blinked a few times to adjust to the light and to clear his vision, then he looked around. "Where..am I? What happened?"

What he expected the least was Shinra's voice. "You got hit by a car. Apparently some people decided to do a truck race on the streets of Shinjuku and I just happened to pass by...I'm glad that you are awake...I was worried, yo know."

A car accident? How could he not see the car coming? Usually he foresaw everything and escaped the danger by jumping out of the way...unless somebody _planned_ the accident. The teen couldn't find himself feeling any anger, sadness or confusion but blamed it on the painkillers and closed his eyes again. "When's the graduation ceremony again?"

Shinra frowned "You can't go to the ceremony. You have a few broken ribs and apparently there is a damage in your nervous system." Not opening his eyes, the raven hummed "A damage in my nervous system? To which extent?"

There was a long silence before the doctor spoke. "You won't be able to feel anything emotion-wise...well actually, the only thing you will be able to feel will be pain, as far as my research goes." Izaya nodded "I see. There I thought it were the painkillers that made me this dull...well, it can't be helped."

From that day on, Izaya Orihara has been living a lie. His grin, his emotions, his interest, all a lie. He didn't feel any guilt as he gave out information that made people fight each other. He felt no shame as he used people as tools. He felt no fear as someone held him at gunpoint or when someone threatened to kill him, which is why he mocked people. He even felt no guilt as he kept Celty's head secret from her, he felt no need to tell her about it, since the only thing he wanted was to go to heaven. In heaven, he'd have emotions again...or so people told. He didn't believe in God and he didn't believe in an afterlife. Yet, he wanted to try it out, for his biggest wish has become to feel something again. But of course, he'd never tell anyone that.

A few times, he'd purposefully let Shizuo catch him and today was one of these times. He just wanted to feel the pain. He had grown addicted to it, for it was the only true feeling and Shizuo was apparently the only one capable of giving him enough of it to satisfy him..

"Oh no...Shizu-chan, looks like you got me..~", the informant purred as the blond held him against a brick wall and wrapped a hand around the slender pale neck. If Izaya would still be the same as 5 years ago, he would be excited and even afraid of the situation, but in his current state of mind, he hid a blade in his sleeve and held his hands up "I surrender, Shizu-chan, see~?"

"And why should I care, you fucking flea?! I will kill you today, for sure.", the other male growled out and tightened his grip on the shorter male's neck, slowly pressing against his throat and making him gasp for air before he chuckled, catching the former bartender off-guard. How could he laugh in such a situation? Shouldn't he be afraid? Shouldn't he show some pain-filled facial expressions?

"You always say that you'll kill me, Shizu-chan. How many times have I purposefully let you catch me...and yet I am alive. You know why that is? Because you are an idiot, it's as simple as that~", the raven hummed, stabbing the blade that he hid in his sleeve deep into the taller male's chest. He achieved just what he wanted to, Shizuo's grip softened and his hand pulled away. After his neck was free, Izaya giggled and ran away, knowing well that such a simple wound wouldn't kill Shizuo. It would slow him down and make him lose the interest in chasing, but that's all. The blond was the only one who could make Izaya feel again. Nobody ever tried to mess with him, nobody really triedto _kill_ him like Shizuo did. And that is exactly why in Izaya's eyes, Shizuo was a monster, just like himself. But that also made Shizuo attractive to him, for he got satisfaction from the punches that the bodyguard delivered, he was happy every time that strong arms wrapped around his neck and almost broke it. It felt good to see the bruises left on his neck after being almost choked. And apparently, Shizuo also got pleasure from that.

Being left alone in the dark alley, Shizuo cursed "That damn flea escaped again. Fuck." After hissing that out, he looked at the blade still sticking in his chest and sighed. "I should go see Shinra probably." He lit a cigarette and walked through the streets of Ikebukuro, earning a few horrified looks and a few worried questions, but he couldn't care less. It didn't hurt him, but he knew that he was a person who felt everything _but _pain. He got angry easily, his relationships were always passionate and he got jealous easily. However, he never felt pain. He was shot multiple times, he was cut up, he was stabbed with various objects...yet there was nothing. He had to look at the wound to realize that it indeed was one. Maybe because he didn't feel pain he had no problem with inflicting it on others? Maybe he'd be able to control his anger once he experienced pain?

As he arrived at his friend's house, he rang the doorbell an waited for a few before Celty opened the door for him. "What happened?!"- read the PDA that she held out to him.

"Ah, I almost killed Izaya, but he got away again.", Shizuo said, rubbing the back of his head in annoyance. "Can I see Shinra so he can fix me up?", he asked, smiling as the fairy stepped aside. "Thank you."

The headless woman typed in her PDA again "Shinra will come out any minute now, he's in the shower. Sit down in the living room, yes?"

Nodding, the former bartender took his shoes off and walked inside, sitting down on the couch and waiting for the doctor to come out, still wondering why Izaya didn't show any fear. He started asking himself if the informant also felt no pain...maybe that is why he was fine being caught? If that was true...they weren't too different. And that caused him to become angry again. "Ahhhh...shit!", he growled out, not noticing Shinra walk out.

"Ah, Shizuo! What brings you here? Have you finally decided to let me examine you-", the doctor got cut off by a glare thrown at him and laughed nervously "I was joking, alright? I'll fix you up now."

"Yeah.", the taller of the two said, pulling the blade out of his chest, allowing blood to flow out before he took off his vest and tie, along with the shirt. As soon as Shizuo removed the clothing, Shinra got to work, stopping the bleeding first before disinfecting the wound. "Say, Shinra...may I ask you something about Izaya?", he hummed out, looking to the ceiling.

Caught off-guard by the question, the doctor nodded. "Sure, ask away. I am his only friend after all."

The blond nodded. "Why does Izaya hate me so much? I mean, I do hate him too, but I never did anything to piss him off, right?"

The doctor remained silent until the wound was completely treated. The blond didn't like the eerie silence, for it meant that something really serious was about to be said. "Shizuo. What I am about to tell you has to remain a secret...oh and don't treat Izaya any different from before, yes?"

The question caused Shizuo to click his tongue in annoyance. He knew it. And he hated serious talks, they usually only meant trouble or got him pissed off. "As if I could ever treat the flea differently. He's still the same, mean, shameless, manipulative liar."

"Well, alright. The truth is...he doesn't hate you. It's just that...he can't hate anyone. It is not physically possible for him to experience hate, love, shame, anger, fear...well, any feeling we'd call normal and human."

"Wait, what do you mean 'not physically possible'? He doesn't feel anything?", the blond asked with a shocked look. That would explain way too much behind the informant's behaviour. "So, what about him telling that he loves humans?"

"Well, he can feel touch, he can feel pain...and heat and cold, but that's it. His love for humans is a lie, but he once explained the reasons behind this 'love' to me. It's that..he likes watching other people's reactions so he himself knows how he has to act in certain situations and also he wants to show the other people that they should cherish feelings, no matter which kind. He envies the other humans since they still can feel and they can still get angry at him, they can still love each other and they can still hate someone, having reasons to laugh, cry or frown.", he explained, causing Shizuo to sigh. "That's kind of sad."

"If Izaya would hear you say that, he'd laugh at you, Shizuo.", the doctor said, causing Shizuo to shake his head. "That would be even sadder since I now know that this laughter is also fake. No wonder that it always pissed me off. Thanks Shinra, now I can beat the hell out of him."

"What-?", Shinra wanted to protest, but it was too late, Shizuo was already heading out of the door and heading for Shinjuku.

As soon as he arrived at the apartment complex, he went inside and headed upstairs. He didn't want to cause more damage than he already did, he'd just break down Izaya's door...As he was upstairs however, he saw Izaya walk out of the elevator, heading for his apartment door as well. Now Shizuo saw it, the true face of the informant. Izaya had a vacant facial expression, not showing _anything. _It was just blank, his eyes were slightly dull and he didn't seem to notice Shizuo at all. It was extremely awkward to the former bartender, but he growled out nonetheless "Izaaayaaaa..."

As soon as the informant realized that someone else was there, his face changed completely. His eyes now seemed vivid and his lips curved into his usual smirk as he giggled and dashed back to the still open elevator, sticking his tongue out as he pressed the button to go down. Before the elevator doors closed, Shizuo jumped in and pushed the shorter male against the wall. "Don't you dare lie to me again, you damn flea!", he growled out, punching the other's face, to which the other had shown no resistance, actually, Shizuo could have sworn that he saw a faint smile.

"What do you mean by that, Shizu-chan? I'm always honest with you. What is it that makes you think I'm lying~?", the raven asked, keeping up the childish grin as he tried to get away from the taller male.

Not letting the other escape, Shizuo roared out, obviously annoyed again. "Well then, if you are so _honest,_ tell me what you _really _think and why you make me chase you all the time?!"

"Stupid Shizu-chan, I told it so many times, it's not even funny anymore. But how could I forget that you are an idiot not capable of remembering the simple fact that I hate you~?" To show how stupid the question was, Izaya waved his hand, dismissing the matter.

"Liar. And a bad one at that.", the blond growled out, punching the other in the stomach, causing the other to cough a bit and then he laughed. "Ah, Shizu-chan, attacking an unarmed man is not nice, you know?", he asked to distract himself from the pleasant feeling he was getting.

"You don't even try getting away or striking back, so it doesn't matter if you have your knife or not, right?", Shizuo asked with a chuckle "Besides, I think you have done enough damage for today.", he added, implying the wound that the informant has inflicted with his knife...which he didn't have with him since he was currently only dressed in his V-neck shirt with short sleeves and a pair of tight jeans.

"Tsk. You wanted to kill me today. It was only logical that I would defend myself.", the informant hissed out, looking at Shizuo, his facial expression changing once more. Noticing that, the taller of the two pressed the button of the elevator making it go back up to the level the raven's apartment was on.

"You only smile when I hit you, Izaya. You're creeping me out.", he said, kicking the shorter male once more, causing him to fall backwards and hit his back on the wall of the elevator. Yet, it only ended up in him laughing once more. "So, Shizu-chan, do you know why I enjoy it so much?", he asked with a small smirk. "of course you wouldn't, you are an idiot.", he added.

As they arrived at the top floor, Izaya walked out and unlocked the door to his apartment. "Would you please leave me alone now, you monster?"

Standing right behind Izaya, the former bartender blocked his path into the apartment by putting his hands onto the door on either side next to Izaya's neck, leaving him just enough space to turn around and face him, which to the blond's disliking didn't happen. However, he ignored the fact that Izaya wouldn't face him and roared out "I'm only leaving once I know why you are this fucked up."

Finally, the shorter of the two turned to face his enemy. "I'm addicted to pain, is that so damn wrong? And you happen to be the only one who isn't a wuss and has enough strength to satisfy me. Is that reply enough? Now out of my way, you stupid monad."

"Oh, you actually get angry for a change?", the blond said, not moving from his very spot and raising an eyebrow "Or are you faking that one too?"

"...What do you know about me? I'm not faking anything, I am just the way I am. Sadly, I don't have my knife with me to decapitate you right here and now.", the raven hissed out.

Did Shinra lie to him? No. It had to be something else and no matter what it was, it pissed the former bartender off. Why was Izaya angry? How could he get angry? Shinra couldn't have lied to him and the blond knew that.

"Say, Izaya...why are you getting so pissed off? It's a rare sight." He tried his best to control his anger until he got a proper reply. As he got one however, he was surprised.

"I...I am angry!", the informant exclaimed with disbelief. "I can...get angry..?"

What Shizuo was seeing was far beyond his understanding. Was he the only one who was able to make Izaya angry? If so, why only him? "Hey, flea...I do know about your condition, so either you are lying again or you're healed."

"Shizuo, I'm able to be angry...how is that possible?", the informant looked at his hands, clenching them into fists and relaxing them again, as if to prove that this was indeed all real. After a small while of silence, realization dawned upon Izaya. "Wait...how do you know my condition? Did Shinra tell you?"

"He only told me that you aren't capable of feeling. Why is that though?", the taller of the two asked, looking at Izaya. Even though he still had his shades on, the informant could tell that the look that Shizuo had was one of pure curiosity, compassion...and tenderness. Why was that though? Why did the man who wished nothing more than to kill him have this tenderness in his eyes.

"Tsk, why do I have to tell it to a stupid protozoan such as you are?", he asked, still trying to deny the fact that Shizuo cared about him. Not expecting a reply, he pushed the handle of the door down, opening it and hoping to escape his nemesis that way...he achieved exactly the opposite, for he didn't realize which force Shizuo had applied as he pressed his hands against the door. As soon as the door opened, Shizuo fell forward, causing Izaya to fall down too and landing on top of the shorter male. The weight that suddenly was on top of him caused the informant to gasp for air and try to push the taller male away. "G-Get off of me, you stupid monad! You are crushing me, it hurts!"

Shizuo chuckled and pulled away a slight bit, pinning the informant to the ground by getting a hold of both of his wrists. "Oh~? I thought you liked pain. Since it made you feel human or something like that."

"But-", the raven wasn't sure how to explain it. He did like the pain, however, this time he was terrified that he actually was going to be crushed by the weight. That's right, he was _terrified. _He could feel fear again. Deciding to see if he could feel anything else, Izaya leaned up and pressed his lips against Shizuo's, making the bodyguard release his wrists.

A small smile crept onto the raven's lips as he saw no intention of the other to end the kiss. He locked his gaze with that of Shizuo, gazing into the other's hazel eyes, mesmerizing the way his lips felt, mesmerizing the surprised look in his eyes that couldn't be hidden by the shades...and remembering that pink blush on the other's cheeks. It was indeed cute. After a few seconds, which felt like an eternity passed, the informant pulled away and smiled "So I was right after all. Thank you, Shizu-chan~ You granted me my biggest wish by inflicting pain on me."

"W-What?", the blond asked, covering his mouth with his hand and blushing a bit more and causing the shorter male to chuckle.

"I wished nothing more than to feel something again. And I couldn't because a bundle of my nerves was caught between my vertebrae. After you punched me in the stomach and now also crushed me with your weight, the bundle was released and my spine straightened. I really have no right to hate you anymore.", Izaya said, shrugging and pulling back as he wanted to get away from his nemesis before the other hit him or anything, but Shizuo didn't let that happen. A hand gripped the collar of the informant's shirt and pulled him closer. "So, if you don't hate me, what then?"

"You tell me first, Shizu-chan. If you tell me what _really _made you crash my apartment tonight, I'll tell you what I now think of you.", the raven teased, looking at the taller male with his signature smirk and this time Shizuo could tell that he smirked because he really felt like doing so.

"Fine. I felt pity for you and I was kind of mad that you were walking around with such a burden without telling anyone. I do understand how you were able to play with human lives without any shame or pity though. Maybe now you will be more hesitant about it.", the blond said, sighing a bit and causing Izaya's lips to form a wide, amused grin. "So, Shizu-chan says that he actually _likes_ me?"

There was little hesitation, but then the bodyguard ruffled his hair in annoyance "I guess this is the only logical explanation of why I haven't killed you yet."

Clapping his hands, Izaya hummed "Interesting, very interesting, Shizu-chan~ You know, ever since kindergarten I had a strange obsession with you. And it got worse as I discovered your strength, for then I knew that you were capable of beating me. And you know...you were the only one who could ever keep me excited for this long. Now that you gave me pain and the pleasure of feeling, I became addicted to you. That's what I feel~"

After the explanation, Shizuo didn't say a word. He simply picked the informant up, closed the door and headed for what he guessed was the bedroom. "H-Hey, Shizu-chan, what are you doing?!", the raven asked as he flailed around, trying to get free.

"You said you like pain, right? Well, I am about to make you feel so much pain that you'd wish you never confessed to me."

As the raven looked up in disbelief, he saw a confident and slightly sadistic smirk on the lips of the taller male. Chuckling the informant replied "Stupid Shizu-chan. I never said that I loved you, did I? I only said that I'm addicted to you and that I love pain."

"I don't care, for I happen to like inflicting pain. Especially on you, flea."


End file.
